Dear Recruiter

Jeroen Steenbeeke  
This post is a refer-back-later post, which I can show to recruiters when they send me a contact invite on LinkedIn. This is to save both them and me some time.

R: Please connect with me on LinkedIn!
J: You didn't read my profile, did you?

R: You can't expect me to read all that!
J: That's your job, isn't it?

R: But it's really long
J: The first sentence would have been enough.

R: You're an arrogant piece of #$@$ aren't you?
J: My profile also says "Writer", are you really surprised that I look down on people who don't read?

R: Okay okay, I'm sorry. But really, can I interest you in a new job?
J: No

R: Why not?
J: I like my current job

R: Really? But why did you spend so much time on your profile if you're not looking for a new job?
J: Because I want it to be an accurate representation, and I hate leaving things unfinished

R: But surely there must be things about your current job that need improvement?
J: If there are, they're only minor issues, and no reason to switch employers.

R: Surely you're looking for a new challenge?
J: Translation: "I have no idea what it is you do"

R: Corporate culture, then?
J: Translation: "I have no idea where you work either"

R: Travel time?
J: Is exactly right at my current job.

R: Better salary?
J: Does it have 7 digits?

R: Better hours?
J: Tell you what, if you find a company willing to pay a 7-digit salary for a 16 to 24-hour work week, then we'll talk.

R: No really, what do I need to do to make you consider quitting your current job?
J: Buy 3000 copies of my books on a monthly basis for the next 60 years or so.